Organ donor

A week of 3rd September to the 9th September was “organ donation week.”

It was tough to write but I would like to share with you.I lost my daughter in April 2005, and she donated 4 parts of her body to 4 different people.#organdonationweekShe was only 3 years old. I still remember the day when I had to say goodbye to her.She had a lot of tubes and equipment around her and we couldn’t get close to her. We knew that her heart would stop if we turned the machines off but I wanted to hang on to the hope that she would wake up and smile… I didn’t know what to think when the doctor told me that we needed to let her go. I didn’t want to accept it was happening. She was okay and well just a week before. I was so shocked, I couldn’t remember her smile anymore. Some doctors came to see me and asked if we were willing to donate her organs. The life support had just been turned off 5 minutes earlier. I couldn’t even look at them. I just wanted to let her go in peace. I didn’t want to talk to anyone.Her godmother came to me and told me that she might save a few other people’s lives and although she was too small to decide, she could do something amazing with her body before going to heaven. But I just wanted her to be in peace. I just wanted to hold her, which I couldn’t do for a long time. One woman came to see me and told me that her small organs were very rare to have and many sick children are waiting for a chance to be healthy. It would be amazing to save people’s lives with her organs. I didn’t have time to think, as they have to remove the organs as soon as possible. Even so I knew “It is the right thing to do” And finally we said yes to donating them. To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I had made the right choice when I saw the big plaster on her chest and she was blue. Looking like that is not how I would want to remember her and I still sometimes have nightmares over those memories.I couldn’t look at her photos for over 13 years. It’s still raw and painful to see her smile.We receive letters from families who received the organs every year. I never open them. I couldn’t open them. I am happy that they are doing well but I just couldn’t open the letters. Today is the first time I opened a letter. The letter was by the front door and I didn’t know who it was from and accidentally I opened it.I cried. My tears came endlessly. I let myself cry, as I haven’t had a big cry for a long time. Also I was happy to see that “grateful for a wonderful gift” in the card. We did something good. Grace gave a little boy a life to live.  Thinking about his parents, how worried they were before he received her heart and thinking of a boy who loves playing football and is smiling makes me happy. Grace, you did something good. You gave a little boy a life to live. I am sorry that mummy couldn’t give you a longer life but you gave some people a chance to live. I am proud of you and I hope I can smile more when I think of you and not have nightmares anymore.I am not letting you go. But I am trying to let that nightmare day go so I can hold on to our nice memories… Love you very much Grace. Keep smiling and I come to see you when my time comes.  Big kiss xxxxx